Tuesday, November 28, 2006,1:27 pm
She was the one for me. There was never any doubt in my mind. We were meant to be together; it was written in the stars. We sat together, we played together, we talked on the phone for hours. I loved her as i had never loved anyone. And yet...she was so close, yet so far away. My heart ached when we were apart. Did hers too? Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. I do not know. I probably never will. Maybe, in the end, we were just not fated to be with each other. And when we broke up...the memories will forever haunt my dreams. It may have been three years since our last meeting, but the scars are as clear as ever, the wounds still so fresh they could have been inflicted just yesterday. Time may have healed those wounds, but they will forever remain a part of me. Still I wonder, what would it be like if we were still together? I have tried, countless times, to put her out of my life. To close this chapter which has torn at my skin, bit into my flesh.
And yet...
And yet...
I do not want to. Maybe I am afraid to. All I know is that she was the first one...
Part of me screams: Shut the door. Accept that she is no longer in your life. Acceptance, after all, is the first step to recovery. Yet, another part of me refuses to let go, still clinging on desperately to those halcyon memories.
I tell myself to move on. She is in your past. Forget her, get on with life. One day, eventually, I will find the right one. So I patiently await that day, the day where another will be the true one for me, and drive away those demons.
Still I wait...
